Mark: "What do you call a massive tremble in Japan?"
Kimberly: "I do not know. Is it an earthquake?"
Carnival Date is the twenty-fourth story mission in Grand Theft Auto: Life of Crime.
Unlocks: Happy Hour
Unlocks: Danger Lurks Around Every Corner
Reward: The ability to go on dates
Jack orders Mark to pick up his sister (by the name of Julie) and her peer (named Kimberly) from the bus station. Mark and Kimberly decides to set up a date, while Julie suggests Mark to buy some new clothes. So he does. Meanwhile the date goes out of shape.
- Pick the girls up from the bus depot.
- Drop Julie off at her house.
- Drive to Binco.
- That hoodie looks nice.
- Get back in the car.
- Head to the carnival.
- Play some games.
- Run back to your car.
- Drive to The Spaghetti Barn. Kimberly looks hungry!
- Head inside.
- Sit down on the table.
- Yesterday was a disaster! Make your way to Jack's place.
Jack: I'll hire my cousin to do it... Bye, see you soon. [he hangs up]
[Mark walks in]
Mark: So, uh, why did you call me here?
Jack: Oh! I need you to pick up my sister, Julie, and her what-so-called "BFF", Kimberly, from the Flamingo Bay bus station. Kimberly is a really nice chick. I think you two birdies should set up a date.
Mark: That's a good idea, cousin. I'm already settled into this city, and a girlfriend should do any better.
Jack: Yeah. You should definitely see her cat - if you know what I mean.
Mark: Augh, fuck you, man.
Jack: What? Mad because you won't get laid?
Mark: Hey, screw you. I'll bet you 20 bucks that I will get laid by the end of the day!
Picking Up the Girls
Julie: Hey Mark, Jack told me about you. How you doing?
Mark: Hey JuJu, or Julie, or whatever your name is. I'm doing alright.
Julie: Did Jack tell you about Kimberly? Really sweet gal once you get to know her.
Kimberly: Hi there!
Mark: Hello. She's good-looking. Jack suggested me to take her out on a date.
Kimberly: Oh, you shouldn't have! You're too kind. It's been a while since I've dated. I've dated creeps, but this date should go out fine!
Mark: Yeah, it will. It's going to be a blast.
Julie: Hey, Marky boy, slow down! You need some new clothes. You smell like a rat-infested apartment I once went to. Sweet Jesus, I never wanna go there again!
Mark: I need to start putting on cologne more often. Eh, thanks anyway. So where are you two girls going to?
Julie: More like one. Just drop me off at my apartment. I'll be watching CNT, while you two lovebirds are having fun.
[Mark drops Julie off at her house]
Julie: Thanks for the lift Mark! And good luck on your first date.
Mark: It wasn't a problem.
Shopping for Clothes
Mark: Mind if you wait here? Thanks. [He enters Binco and purchases new clothes]
Mark: Is this enough to impress a girl like you?
Kimberly: Hehehe. Probably.
At the Carnival
Mark: So, erm, where do you come from? I came from Algonquin, Liberty City but, eh, my mom went off to San Fierro to take care of her ill mother. So me and my father moved here. But he's dead now. I didn't want his body to get eaten alive by worms, so I cremated his body in some "secret place", if you know what I mean.
Kimberly: I lived in Vice City ever since I was born. You know, lived there ever since I exited my mom's vagina.
Mark: Vice City? You lived in a place full of murderers and shysters? Also, I wish you didn't mention, um, a women's heart. We WERE going to eat spaghetti.
Kimberly: Oh, sorry. I can get a bit overboard sometimes. Didn't mean to say that.
Mark: Nah, that's cool. It's normal here.
[The duo play a few games, and then hop back in the car. Mark drives to the Spaghetti Barn and goes inside]
Time for Dinner
Mark: It was a good thing the car didn't die on us a few blocks back.
Kimberly: [laughs] I know, right? Alright, you can go ahead and sit. Is it alright that I already ordered for us?
Mark: Yeah, it's cool. Thanks anyway, I have been starving, it's been a long day. I mean, I was going to order, too.
Kimberly: So tell me, Mark. Tell me about Mark Smith - you. What do you ever do for a living?
Mark: I am glad you asked. I am currently looking for my uncle. He killed my father just to take over the Smith crime family. Me and my cousin are also determined to get lots of cash to leave this town and start our life of crime somewhere else. Probably Liberty City.
Kimberly: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Mark: Hey, so am I. But look on the bright side, I am a inspiring joker.
Kimberly: I am amused. Can you tell me a joke, please?
Mark: What do you call a massive tremble in Japan?
Kimberly: I do not know. Is it an earthquake?
Mark: [snickers] Godzilla! [laughs]
Kimberly: [in anger] How do you call that funny? My mom is from Japan!
Mark: I am deeply sorry. But you don't look Asian to me.
Kimberly: You don't have to be Asian to be from Japan, for crying out loud! Ugh, forget it, where the heck is the waiter!?
Jack: Hello everyone, Jack Smith in the house! Oh, well look who it is: Mark. How is your night going so far, cuz?
Mark: Jack, you imbecile. What the fucking fuck?
Jack: THIS is what people call "real jobs". So calm down.
Kimberly: [confused] So, the waiter is your cousin after all?
Jack: Well, d'uh! I am the coolest cousin on this planet after all.
Kimberly: Keep dreaming.
Mark: Jack, get the fuck out of here. You are literally ruining my first date.
Kimberly: A date? I thought this was a get-to-know-eachother-meeting type of thing.
Mark: I can explain all of---
Kimberly: Mark, may I ask you a question? Why are you wearing a hoodie? Do you always wear those to dates?
Jack: Of course. He always calls it his "lucky hoodie" because he thinks he will get laid.
Kimberly: [stands up] You are nothing but a disgusting, racist hog!
Mark: I am NOT racist! I can explain all of this. Please! Fuck it, why do I even bother to call this a "date"?
Kimberly: Forget it. [exits the restaurant]
Mark: Wait, no! [he looks out of the window and sees Kimberly hotwiring his car] NO, MY CAR! Great, now I have to walk my lazy ass home. Screw walking, I'm taking a taxi. I don't feel like walking for hours and hours. DAMN IT, JACK! You had to stalk me!
Jack: Yeah. I'll see you later, hoodie boy. [walks out of the restaurant. Mark sighs and walks out, too]
The Next Morning
[Mark's alarm clock beeps and he wakes up. He steps out of his bed]
Mark: I swear, I'm going to kick Jack's sorry ass.
[He visits Jack's house]
Jack: Whoa there, before you talk to me, give me my money.
Mark: F...fff...FINE! Here's your dirty money. This isn't fair.
Jack: Hey, relax. No rules were given. I don't need your twenty bucks anyways.
Jack: Besides, I got this Whiz phone.
Mark: Hey! [swipes it] That's mine! Ugh, I'll be seeing you later, jerk. [walks out]